Jonas with his Haiti mom in October of 2005 when she dropped him off to the O.
Manise and Jonas at our very first meeting June of 2006.
Manise and Jonas in December 2006 when Todd went.
Manise and Jonas in April of 2007 when Jessica and I went to visit.
Unfortunatly I do not have a picture from September 2008 when Todd and I went. Manise came very late one evening and the kids were alseep and I didn't even think to take a picture. :(
Before we left on our trip in April I asked for Jonas’ mom to be contacted and asked to come to the O. I wanted to see her and talk to her and bless her with some gifts.
For those of you who are not familiar with adoption procedures, you are not allowed to give gifts of any kind during the adoption process to the birth parents. Why? Because it is illegal to buy a child. The birth parents go thru numerous interviews and are grilled about why they are giving up their children and whether or not they have been paid or promised anything in return for their children. The US government will not hesitate to shut down any adoptions from any country if there are signs of buying children going on.
Now you would think this would be easy to abide by. In most circumstances it is. But Haiti is so impoverished and a lot of people are having a hard time just being able to purchase food for their family to eat. I can not tell you how many times I just wanted to give Jonas’ mom a few dollars for her to buy food for her family or help with anything else. NOT because I felt guilty or wanted to pay her for her son, but because I see a need and God calls us to help with needs when we see them.
Well, I followed that all but one time. I had a ring that had been given to me with Jonas’ birthstone. It wasn’t an expensive ring or anything big. But I felt like I was suppose to give it to her, something to remember Jonas by. I had an interpreter explain to her that it was the stone for Jonas’ birth month and I wanted her to have it to remember him by. I wasn’t sure how long she would have it because let’s face it a ring versus food….hmmmm which would you choose? Well as of April this year she is still wearing the ring. It makes my heart happy.
So, now that the adoption is final and Jonas is home I can do whatever I want where his birth family is concerned. Todd and I have been praying as to what to do and how much to give. We have consulted our music director at church who is Haitian as to what to do. We want to bless his family. We view them as an extension of our family now. Someday when Jonas is older we want him to know that we didn’t just bring him home and never do anything again for his birth family.
Everybody has an opinion on how they view and deal with the birth parents once the adoption is final. I personally view Jonas’ birth mom as just that, his mom in Haiti. That is actually how we refer to her with Jonas. You see she cared for Jonas for the first 10 months of his life. And even after she brought him to the O she still came on a very regular basis to have visitation with him. She has never stopped loving her son. It is very evident in her actions. I believe, no… I know, that she made a very difficult choice to give up her son. But that decision saved his life!
Over the past 3 years I have been fortunate enough to collect information bit by bit. I have kept record of all I have heard and can now share what I know. I could not share before because it would have jeopardized his adoption.
I know Jonas’ birth father’s name. A lot of woman in Haiti do not list a father on the birth certificate. If we had revealed at all that we knew who the father was he would have been required to go to all the appointments. Most men are not good at that in Haiti. In fact there have been a few who flat out refuse to go even though they don’t want the child. I found out last September who he was. I was told Manise (Jonas’ birth mom) would not even speak of him. But when I asked her she freely gave it to me. I simply told her I wanted it in case Jonas asked some day.
I also found out all about Jonas’ siblings. He has 5 sisters. And one of them is a full blooded sister. The rest are half. I was so excited to have this info. I know someday Jonas will want to know about where he came from. Now I have names and some pictures to give to him.
When Todd went to Haiti to bring Jonas home Manise brought one of her daughters. It turns out it was his full blooded sister, Daphne 9yrs old. You can so tell it too in the picture! It is crazy how much they look alike!
For those of you who are not familiar with adoption procedures, you are not allowed to give gifts of any kind during the adoption process to the birth parents. Why? Because it is illegal to buy a child. The birth parents go thru numerous interviews and are grilled about why they are giving up their children and whether or not they have been paid or promised anything in return for their children. The US government will not hesitate to shut down any adoptions from any country if there are signs of buying children going on.
Now you would think this would be easy to abide by. In most circumstances it is. But Haiti is so impoverished and a lot of people are having a hard time just being able to purchase food for their family to eat. I can not tell you how many times I just wanted to give Jonas’ mom a few dollars for her to buy food for her family or help with anything else. NOT because I felt guilty or wanted to pay her for her son, but because I see a need and God calls us to help with needs when we see them.
Well, I followed that all but one time. I had a ring that had been given to me with Jonas’ birthstone. It wasn’t an expensive ring or anything big. But I felt like I was suppose to give it to her, something to remember Jonas by. I had an interpreter explain to her that it was the stone for Jonas’ birth month and I wanted her to have it to remember him by. I wasn’t sure how long she would have it because let’s face it a ring versus food….hmmmm which would you choose? Well as of April this year she is still wearing the ring. It makes my heart happy.
So, now that the adoption is final and Jonas is home I can do whatever I want where his birth family is concerned. Todd and I have been praying as to what to do and how much to give. We have consulted our music director at church who is Haitian as to what to do. We want to bless his family. We view them as an extension of our family now. Someday when Jonas is older we want him to know that we didn’t just bring him home and never do anything again for his birth family.
Everybody has an opinion on how they view and deal with the birth parents once the adoption is final. I personally view Jonas’ birth mom as just that, his mom in Haiti. That is actually how we refer to her with Jonas. You see she cared for Jonas for the first 10 months of his life. And even after she brought him to the O she still came on a very regular basis to have visitation with him. She has never stopped loving her son. It is very evident in her actions. I believe, no… I know, that she made a very difficult choice to give up her son. But that decision saved his life!
Over the past 3 years I have been fortunate enough to collect information bit by bit. I have kept record of all I have heard and can now share what I know. I could not share before because it would have jeopardized his adoption.
I know Jonas’ birth father’s name. A lot of woman in Haiti do not list a father on the birth certificate. If we had revealed at all that we knew who the father was he would have been required to go to all the appointments. Most men are not good at that in Haiti. In fact there have been a few who flat out refuse to go even though they don’t want the child. I found out last September who he was. I was told Manise (Jonas’ birth mom) would not even speak of him. But when I asked her she freely gave it to me. I simply told her I wanted it in case Jonas asked some day.
I also found out all about Jonas’ siblings. He has 5 sisters. And one of them is a full blooded sister. The rest are half. I was so excited to have this info. I know someday Jonas will want to know about where he came from. Now I have names and some pictures to give to him.
When Todd went to Haiti to bring Jonas home Manise brought one of her daughters. It turns out it was his full blooded sister, Daphne 9yrs old. You can so tell it too in the picture! It is crazy how much they look alike!
When I went in April, Manise brought her oldest daughter, Verline. I also got a photo that day.
This is Jonas and his oldest half sister Verline (14 yrs)
I have a picture of two more of his sisters that Manise gave me. So there is only one I have not seen yet.
Manise and Jonas' half sister Christi who is now 7 years old.
This is the newest half sister Lornis. She is only 6 months old.
So back to how I blessed her. Since Megan I both went in April I had 4 50lb bags to fill for the trip. I got permission to fill one of those bags for Jonas’ birth family. I won’t always be able to do that but I could on this trip. I filled it to the brim! Clothes, personal items, hygiene items, food, candy, toys, shoes, towels and dishes and many more things. I thought it best to give practical things. I told her whatever she didn’t like, couldn’t use to please sell to make money for her family.
I also made a bag for her with Jonas' hand prints on it and a photo of her and Jonas. It served a double purpose. It was a good size bag that she could use to carry things in, and a small piece of Jonas to have for ever.
Reggie was there so I really got a chance to talk to her this trip. (Reggie works at the O and teaches the children English.) We talked about Jonas and how he was doing. We looked thru the picture album I had put together for her. I got to explain that Papa Jonas was a photographer so she would always have lots of pictures. She liked that. She asked if I could send a DVD of him. That way she could actually see him moving and hear him talking. WHAT? I had no idea she would have any way of viewing one if I sent it, but apparently she does. I told her I would send one soon.
We went thru the pictures she had taken for me. Huh? Two years ago I left a disposable camera with You You to give to Jonas’ mom the next time she visited Jonas at the O. The instructions were for her to take pictures of where she lived and other family members. That way Jonas could at least see in photos where he had come from. I promised her a set of the pictures as well. I didn’t know if she would ever do it and for two years thought the camera was a lost cause. BUT to my delight she gave it to Todd before he left to bring Jonas home. Yeah!!!!!! They are really cool and different to see. They are mainly pictures of her nephew and his family (she lives with them), and her new baby girl. But hey I just appreciate that she did it at all. I am hoping to do it again soon. During our meeting we went thru each photo and she told me who they were and I wrote it down for Jonas to have someday.
I asked her if all her girls lived with her. Sadly, no they don’t. She only has the oldest and the youngest. Jonas’ full blooded sister lives with her and Jonas’ dad. The other two she said live with various family members. She said she made enough money to feed her family but not enough to have a home of their own. In order for her to get a home, a very small one, it would be about $600 a year. At least that is what I am told by others.
I asked her if her parents were alive. She said her dad died several years back and her mom was still living.
She said she wanted Jonas to be a good boy and to know Jesus. What a relief to be able to share with her just how much Jonas will know about Jesus! I told her we were very active in our church and loved the Lord. That Jonas would have every opportunity to learn all about Jesus but it would be his choice to accept him as his savior. She agreed. Wow to be able to share this HUGE thing in common. Both Jonas’ moms love the Lord!!!!!
She was nervous about the possibility of him doing drugs someday. (Crazy how this would be on her mind.) I told her no way and that I would kick his butt if he ever even thought about it. That made her and Reggie both laugh.
I had Reggie explain as best he could that Todd and I are not wealthy (realize Haitians think ALL Americans are rich) but we would help and send things when we could. She seemed to be pleased with this idea, but not expecting it at all. I asked her if she had to take a Tap Tap home? (Haitian version of a taxi) She said she did so I asked her if I could give her money for it. She said yes. I gave her more than enough and then some.
Then our meeting was over. So much was said and felt during that precious time. I have always felt a connection to her. I feel we are not only bound by Jonas and our love for him, but also by the Holy Spirit. She is such a strong woman. When she made her decision to bring Jonas to the O I feel like she drew a line in the sand and never looked back. She did what she had to in order to literally save his life. Forgive me for not giving details but I feel Jonas deserves the right to know first and choose whether or not to share that with others. Just know it was not easy for her and she did not have much of a choice.
The last thing I told her was I will always send updates (pictures, letters, money) as long as I know she is coming to get them. And our hope was that someday he would come back to Haiti so she could see him in person. She said it was her hope that he would come back someday too.
We said our goodbyes till next time.
Hugs, Kristina
We went thru the pictures she had taken for me. Huh? Two years ago I left a disposable camera with You You to give to Jonas’ mom the next time she visited Jonas at the O. The instructions were for her to take pictures of where she lived and other family members. That way Jonas could at least see in photos where he had come from. I promised her a set of the pictures as well. I didn’t know if she would ever do it and for two years thought the camera was a lost cause. BUT to my delight she gave it to Todd before he left to bring Jonas home. Yeah!!!!!! They are really cool and different to see. They are mainly pictures of her nephew and his family (she lives with them), and her new baby girl. But hey I just appreciate that she did it at all. I am hoping to do it again soon. During our meeting we went thru each photo and she told me who they were and I wrote it down for Jonas to have someday.
I asked her if all her girls lived with her. Sadly, no they don’t. She only has the oldest and the youngest. Jonas’ full blooded sister lives with her and Jonas’ dad. The other two she said live with various family members. She said she made enough money to feed her family but not enough to have a home of their own. In order for her to get a home, a very small one, it would be about $600 a year. At least that is what I am told by others.
I asked her if her parents were alive. She said her dad died several years back and her mom was still living.
She said she wanted Jonas to be a good boy and to know Jesus. What a relief to be able to share with her just how much Jonas will know about Jesus! I told her we were very active in our church and loved the Lord. That Jonas would have every opportunity to learn all about Jesus but it would be his choice to accept him as his savior. She agreed. Wow to be able to share this HUGE thing in common. Both Jonas’ moms love the Lord!!!!!
She was nervous about the possibility of him doing drugs someday. (Crazy how this would be on her mind.) I told her no way and that I would kick his butt if he ever even thought about it. That made her and Reggie both laugh.
I had Reggie explain as best he could that Todd and I are not wealthy (realize Haitians think ALL Americans are rich) but we would help and send things when we could. She seemed to be pleased with this idea, but not expecting it at all. I asked her if she had to take a Tap Tap home? (Haitian version of a taxi) She said she did so I asked her if I could give her money for it. She said yes. I gave her more than enough and then some.
Then our meeting was over. So much was said and felt during that precious time. I have always felt a connection to her. I feel we are not only bound by Jonas and our love for him, but also by the Holy Spirit. She is such a strong woman. When she made her decision to bring Jonas to the O I feel like she drew a line in the sand and never looked back. She did what she had to in order to literally save his life. Forgive me for not giving details but I feel Jonas deserves the right to know first and choose whether or not to share that with others. Just know it was not easy for her and she did not have much of a choice.
The last thing I told her was I will always send updates (pictures, letters, money) as long as I know she is coming to get them. And our hope was that someday he would come back to Haiti so she could see him in person. She said it was her hope that he would come back someday too.
We said our goodbyes till next time.
Hugs, Kristina
5 comments:
What an awesome story Kristina! She really does seem like an amazing woman. I can see how you feel so close to her.
Wow, Kristina. What a blessing to know so much about Jonas' birth family! And I am so glad you are remembering them long and sending them things long after the adoption was finalized. What a brave & amazing woman to give Jonas such a life!
How wonderful to have that connection and time with her. How hard it must have been for her to continue to come see him and to have to always leave him behind. Heartbreaking.
Please understand this was not a blog entry to brag. We couldn't do any of this stuff without God. He blessed us with a little extra and layed it on our hearts to bless his birth family.
I just wanted to share how easy and fun it is to bless someone else!
What a great blessing to have all this for Jonas some day. Boys are less likely to ask than girls BUT there's a lot going in his family history and the more you have, the better!
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