Well, again it has been way to long since my last post. I know for some of you it is how you keep up to date on our adoption journey. I am sorry. I have just been in this funk of sorts and can't seem to get my butt up to do anything. It's almost like I' m on the outside looking in.
So...believe it or not there is no new news from Haiti. Yes we got out of IBESR (big step), but Ellie's file has not moved a bit since. We got presidential approval which I shared previously was HUGE. But what I didn't know was it has to be printed in their papers before her file can go to the next step. AND....for WHATever reason, it has not been printed yet!Haiti is sooooo incredibly frustrating sometimes. I wonder sometimes how the officials sleep at night knowing that because they do not have a streamlined process for adoptions that children are dieing! Praise God someone saw fit to get Ellie to an orphanage to be cared for!
Ellie is doing well from what I know. Now that over half the families from Evansville have their children home, there are fewer pictures and fewer reports and updates coming my way. I guess I never truly understood how blessed we Evansville families were with all the pictures and updates we gave each other.
It has been almost a full year since I last saw my daughter, held her, told her I loved her, heard her voice, felt her touch.
sigh
sigh again (trying to hold back tears) Unfortunately they give me away oh so quickly these days. I wonder if people would be so quick with their well intended words if they had to go a WHOLE year without being with their child? Sometimes it's just nice if you would acknowledge my pain and NOT try to give me empty words. Listening to my pain helps believe it or not. I do not mean to make anybody feel bad, honest I'm not. I enjoy your comments on my blog more than you know. It shocks me that anyone would still be around to listen. But to tell me at least I have Jonas home- well it shows they don't get it!YES I am beyond happy that Jonas is home! But it does NOT take away the pain of Ellie still being in Haiti! My family is incomplete...STILL! I do enjoy having Joans. But I have to be honest during all the fun things that we do and I am excited to finally be doing with him, in the back of my mind I am missing her and wishing she was here to experience all of it with us! Bittersweet...and then the guilt. The feelings of guilt that I can't just enjoy Jonas and be happy for him. But how do you handle feeling like you are missing a huge chunk of your heart because your family is not complete?
There is no solution or answer. I just have to live with it.
Ellie is being home schooled at the O by an American volunteer. I am told she knows her ABC's and numbers and colors. At this rate she will be further ahead than Jonas. All the kids are speaking way better English and comprehending it better too. I hear the nannies are eager to learn as well and really doing well. It will be really cool to actually talk with some of them the next time I go down.
I sent down a new family picture for Ellie. I was told she carried it everywhere showing everyone her family. :) Oh how I miss my little girl! She is so beautiful and I can't wait till she is here everyday and I can truly get to know her!
By the way just a side note:
I am so sick and tired of having family and friends not acknowledge her just because she isn't here. One actually said it didn't count because she wasn't here yet. What??????? Are you kidding me? Just because she isn't here doesn't mean I miss her any less or love her any less! Paleeeese! I have to constantly remind myself that I can not expect someone who has never adopted to understand how I feel.
On the other side:I REALLY appreciate all of you who DO acknowledge her! I about lost it when my mom gave me two gifts for her at Christmas. I didn't expect it, I know money is tight for all of us. SO the fact that she wanted to just acknowledge her really touched my heart!
And those of you who are praying and ask about her...THANK YOU so very much!
Hopefully I will get some news soon and my baby girl will be one step closer to being home! In the meantime God and I are close buddies! :)Hugs, Kristina
6 comments:
Hello my friend. I hear you. I feel the pain, and I think I understand how having Jonas at home can actually make the pain worse, or more intense. I guess because it is such a sharp contrast....it makes the hole that much bigger and more noticeable, right?
The annoying (scratch that, I mean unhelpful) thing that people are saying to me is "just you wait" while they complain about something their children (boys usually) are doing/have done. I don't really know how to explain it other than that, and to say that I want to SCREAM at them that I AM waiting. and it stinks. really bad.
But anyway.....I'm still here and I hear you.
Love you,
L
Oh, and I hear ya about the pictures and updates....it's rough!!!
Hi Kristina,
I related to almost every single word that you said in this post! It has been over a year since we last saw our two sweeties. I miss them terribly. It is so discouraging to have no progress at all. We're going on 9 months in IBESR:( Praying for us all!
Love, Cara
(mama to Rebecca and Kervens)
I know exactly how you are feeling my friend. I just want to distance myself from every non-adopting person I know to avoid their version of "encouragement". I'm praying for all of us waiting!
{{{HUGS}}}
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