A good sound spanking...A miracle...And, A journey of 16 inches

*** WARNING ***
A LONG BLOG ENTRY AHEAD!


I have been silent and still for almost 3 days now. I know that is hard for some of you to understand that I could be. But after what I have been through, you would be silent too! God got a hold of my attention and has had my undivided attention for the past three days.

I have wanted to blog about it, but I was trying to put my thoughts in order. And last night I had my computer on and ready, but my best friend called from Florida and we talked for over an hour, ending at midnight. And good decision making kicked in that it was better to get a good nights sleep to be rested for church in the morning. Glad I did. God wasn't done talking to me. Our sermon was like a one on one chat with God for me. From the praise and worship songs to after church sharing briefly with friends, he poured out his love, grace and mercy on me.

I am humbled and so much in awe I am paralyzed by how good God is to me, even when I don't deserve it. So, I am going to try an attempt at telling you how great our God is. Please extend patience to me as this might be a little longer than usual!

A GOOD SOUND SPANKING--- Well, as most of you know Todd had lost his job last year, we heard God call us to adopt and we took that leap of faith and obeyed. But it was obeying with fear. (And NOT a godly fear.) Little did I know God was really taking me on a FAITH WALK. Thus my name for my blog. Silly me thought it was just about the adoption. Uhh...No.

First forgive me for not sharing some more intimate and private details. (something God has also been impressing upon me) Over the past year I have been praying for many miracles. And when I say praying for, I mean I literally would say, "Lord I need a miracle." I was believing I John 5:14-15 when I asked.

I am sitting here a receiver of not 1, not 2, but 3 miracles in less than a year!

-First I had been praying for over 7 years for God to make a way to adopt. And when, and only when, I gave up what that looked like to me and asked HIS will be done, did I get my miracle. Really a blessing of what he had for me all along.

-Second I prayed faithfully for a miracle for Todd to get to go to Haiti and meet our son. And up till 5 days before the scheduled trip we didn't think it would be possible. But we got word that paperwork had to be filed in person and our world turned upside down. But God used that for HIS good and gave Todd the miracle of going to Haiti. BUT, only after we gave it to him.

-Third, well this one is still sinking in and my butt still hurts (pride too)from the spanking that preceded this miracle. We awoke to bad financial news Thursday morning. (please don't ask me the details) My world once again was turned upside down. Now realize that just a year ago I would have sinked into a deep depression of misery and asking why me. And that would last for a week or longer. Since the day we took our leap of faith and made the commitment to adopt Jonas, God has been dealing with me on my behavior after an attack from satan ( the author of kill, steal, and destroy). So, I had a meeting with my boss from my 'Christmas only' job. She needed someone to work mainly days to compensate for several employees who are students and unable to work during class time. Yes! I agreed to keep working. With sacrificing mind you. For a time I will have to give up meeting with the other Haiti moms. But due to the news that morning I knew it was the right choice. It would help.

Fast forward a few hours later while meeting with friends, God was going to get my attention one way or another! I got a GOOD SOUND SPANKING! I hadn't planned on sharing with them, but the gloom and doom atmosphere that came in with me was really kinda hard to NOT notice. And after them asking several questions, it all came spilling out. All the worrying and doubt and self pity and FEAR. Where was the woman that had made a faith step in adopting? Where was the woman who's faith had grown over the past year? Why was the former self rearing it's ugly head again? Well...What happened next was NOT, I repeat NOT, what I expected or asked for. But, it was what I needed. God spoke thru my dear friend. She called me on the carpet and no matter what I said she gave it right back. I knew God was speaking thru her and she was obeying out of love for God and me. She is a godly woman who loves the Lord and knows when he is speaking to and thru her. I got my spanking and no compassion. I left feeling like I got a spanking. I wanted to rant and rave! Didn't they know I had just gotten the news that morning and it was still raw. I knew by the next day my faith would kick in and I would realize that I shouldn't be wasting so much time worrying and to lean on my savior. I mean after all, I'm only human. But God wanted to teach me that he didn't want me to even waste a whole day in my old self. He wants me to immediately fall on my face and praise Him and ask for help. And then if I need a good cry, ok. Cry, not gloom and doom behavior. But to seek Him first.

I have been seeking God's face for the past few days and trying to keep myself quiet to hear him. My butt still hurts, but I'm listening. And I know God like any parent only disciplines his children BECAUSE He loves them.

A MIRACLE- So.....Miracle 3. Received. A miracle of money. God layed it on someone's heart to ask where we stood finacially. I shared very little. They asked for ALL of it in numbers. Not just what was behind, but what the total owed was. I took a chance and shared. I had been asking for someone smarter and wiser than Todd or I to help us get back to a manageable place so we could put into practice all the knowledge God had taught us over the past year.(maybe this was that person) It is hard to pratice movement when you are stuck in a hole and can't move. Anyways, I prayed .This person prayed. And long story short, and details left out at the request of this person. God wiped our slate clean. We are caught up, paid off, kitchen full of groceries, money to stay ahead. OUT of the hole.
It's ok, because my mouth is still on the floor too!!!! He didn't make us wait, he answered our prayers.

Did we deserve it? No.But God extended grace. There is no way we could ever have earned this grace, just like the grace he gives us thru Christ on the cross. Which, I have been thinking about so much these past few days. This present gift of grace made the grace of the cross so real to me. Now I have a chance to show God that I will not waste this second chance. But I too realize in and of myself I can NOT accomplish this, only with God's help will we make wiser decisions and keep out of any other holes. God and God alone restored what satan meant to destroy us.

A JOURNEY OF 16 INCHES- They say the journey of the 16 inches from head knowledge to heart knowledge is one of the toughest journeys of your life. Maybe some are blessed not to have that struggle or hard of a journey, but I am not one of those people. I have allowed too many things to get in the way. No more. My God loves me. ME! He will NEVER leave me or forsake me, no matter what my circumstances show me. I have decided to trust in that and that alone. It feels good. Now I know that I will have to be diligent and feed my soul with His word to actually put into practice what I have made a commiment to do. And it may take a few times to get into the habit of choosing faith over fear when my circumstances look bleak. But I am ready, willing , and able. Peace has come to reside for the first time in a long time in my life. Only peace he can give and maintain.

This morning at church we sang a praise song that says perfectly what I learned.

Oh, no
you never let go,
thru the calm and they the storm,

Oh, no
you never let go,
in every high and every low,

Oh , no
you never let go
Lord, you never let go of me!

I also have felt for some time that Todd and I were stuck on the fence. We knew we needed to make some decisions, but didn't. I learned through the sermon what that was in practical terms. On one hand you have decision making and in the other you have problem solving. I have been guilty of staying in the problem solving. I needed to jump over to the decision making. Then when you make a decision figure out the problem solving to make that decision a reality.

Todd and I have been feeling lead lately to make some BIG decisions. We have decided to get our house in order and sell it, buy a smaller house with a smaller house payment. Do a purging of "stuff" in our house and lives. Then we can have extra to bless others with and give to God's kingdom. Yes, we can keep our house, noone is forcing us to give it up. It's just that every penny we have made up till now has gone to bills, with little if any left over to do anything with. We want to be able to when God tells us to help out a missionary, or give someone $ for grocerys we will have the freedom to do that and the extra just for giving. Basically, we are choosing God's kingdom over "stuff".

So over the next month we are working hard to get our house in better shape. We are inquiring about our next door neighbor's house to buy. (he died in Nov) I have prayed and asked God to make a way for us to do that. We are waiting to hear from the bank trust department that is in charge of his estate. We love our neighborhood and the school district we are in. This would be a big change for our kids and we would like it if we could keep that much the same. The house is smaller but still adequate room for all of us. Yes, Jonas too.

Yesterday I did a thorough cleaning of the upstairs, even cleaning the globes on our light fixtures. We painted upstairs'. The whole time , all day, that I was cleaning I was in a state of prayer and meditation. With each swipe of my dust rag and swipe of the paint brush I felt good about this decision. Downsizing is what we needed to do. And if God shows us no, he wants us to stay put, then we had a cleaner, more taken care of house. We will follow his lead. But we had to take a step.

If all goes well we will have our house ready to put up for sale the first of February. I am hopeing that we will find help with the moving and lifting and small repairs we need to do. I have no doubt God will supply.

At church this morning I shared all this with a friend and her husband.She shared with me about a good carpet cleaning person to clean our carpets.(our carpets desperately need a good cleaning) She said he was very reasonable. Her husband was over hearing our conversation about Todd and I's decision. He said he would put X amount of dollars to help get our carpets cleaned. Are you kidding? A confirmation that we are moving in the right direction.

Sooo...Now that this is a really long blog, just know God got a hold of me this week and please pray for the decisions we have made, that God would bless our efforts. Please pray for strength in our convictions. I'm sure there will be those that think we are being drastic and hasty. But Todd and I know differently, we are thinking GOD!

I can't... But,he CAN!!!!

hugs, Kristina