Jonas coming home

Alright I know some of you have been worried about me with Jonas not coming home for Christmas. Now I won't pretend that it wasn't pretty hard to deal with. I want to be honest and raw here on my blog so please do not criticize me or tell me what I need to do. Trust that God has me in his hands and is gently and lovingly getting me thru it!


Christmas was a let down this year. There was so much going on leading up to the big day that I was exhausted when it finally got here. I looked around and saw all the gifts and was saddened by the fact that the world has forgotten what the true meaning of Christmas was about. Now we have long since downsized our gift giving at home. We get the girls 3 gifts. Yes, only three. I admit one is usually a bunch of little things in one box. We realized a few years ago we couldn't keep up with our financial plan of not using credit cards for Christmas if we insisted on getting a whole bunch of gifts for the kids. So from that point on we have gotten them 3 gifts. Someone pointed out that Jesus got 3 gifts from the wise men. I wish I could take credit for that being my inspiration, but I can't.


Then I ashamedly admit I was let down by the fact that the gifts I got felt like no one really knows me. (Todd and I don't exchange gifts with each other) Now I KNOW that it isn't about the gifts we get and it is probably my insecurities peeking thru, but it just felt like no one pays attention to what I like. Am I that hard to figure out? And as we get older there aren't any surprises anymore. I secretly LOVE surprises!! To open something that I wasn't expecting that I thought no one knew I wanted. How cool is that?


sigh.


Embarrassing to admit it. I still have commercialism in me when it comes to Christmas. But in thinking about it I don't think it's about the gift so much with me as it is the thought that goes behind it, or lack there of. Does that make sense.


Then, most of all...not having my son home. I distinctly remember last year thinking, "thank you God that this will be the last Christmas without Jonas!" I NEVER dreamed he wouldn't be home. I know it doesn't matter when, but that he gets home period! But it still hurt! I kept hearing the song "I'll Have A Blue Christmas Without You" in my head all day.


So Christmas was a let down. And I am glad that it is over! I am taking my decorations down tomorrow. I know everyone thinks we will keep them up for when Jonas comes home. But to me it is a daily, hourly reminder that he wasn't here. I want his coming home to be a new beginning. Not a come home see the decorations for Christmas that you missed kind of thing. I want him to come home and start new. Then next Christmas will be a huge surprise for him!!!!


sigh.


I have been praying asking God for some insight to help get me out of my funk. And he has given me some, well at least one. And it makes me feel like a very special child.


Leading up to us thinking he was coming home for Christmas I was constantly checking on flights to get him here. I was in shock that the flights were over $1,000 for ONE WAY! I didn't care, I wanted him home! But God did care. He wanted us to keep our track record of no debt for this adoption. He has provided all along the way. I personally think he delayed Jonas' homecoming so that the fares would be what we have set aside to pay for them. So he was protecting us, not hurting us. How good is God? Sometimes we as parents have to "not" give our children something they desperatly want because we know it is not in their best interest.


I just needed a different angle to see things and God gave it to me. Now I have to obey him and "choose" to come out of this blue mood. I'm getting there, it isn't easy!


SO..... I have been thinking about his coming home and being at the airport. OK, so Todd and I got this hair brained idea about Jonas coming home. Why not have matching t-shirts. I know, I know, EVERYONE does that. BUT what about matching SNOOPY t-shirts? Huh? huh? Huh?

Well imagine, if you will, how hard it would be to find matching Snoopy t-shirts in size 4t- XXL? Next to impossible....till today.

Today I found one and contacted the company about what and why I wanted them. (they didn't offer plus size t-shirts! Imagine that?) They emailed me back and said for this special occasion they would most certainly do this!!!!


Our shirts would say
"Happiness is...Jonas"

Jonas' would say
"Happiness is...being home"
or
"Happiness is...being a family"

What do you think?????
I am soooooooooo stinkin excited!

A big shout out to the company!





So I am doing fine and want to thank all of you for your words of support and encouragement! For your emails and phone calls and prayers. Our son IS coming home VERY soon and that makes me happy!
Hugs, Kristina