What to do?

After much prayer and thought I have decided to do this post. Some have advised me to ignore the recent comments on my blog and rise above it. But I feel like my integrity has been attacked, and that people like me who choose to fund raise for their adoptions are being attacked as well. No matter how I try to figure out what to say it all sounds like I am on the defense. But reality is I have been placed here by a few people's accusations. And I recently read a thought from a friend...

"It gets the best of us when we turn away and hide from the rude comments."

...and I realized it was true for me.


As I have countless times shared on this blog, I used to struggle with what others thought of me, that I have an over active imagination that can take something small and make it very big in a short amount of time, that I am a think out loud kind of person. So with that in mind I want to share a few things.

1. My blog is for me.

It was started to keep a journal about my adoption journey. It is a privilege for YOU to read it. Just because I make it available for all to read does NOT mean it is a place for you to criticize me or how I do things. I ALLOW comments to be made. And from now on I will moderate each comment, because I refuse my blog to be a place of negativity. If you do not like what I say then don't read it. Period.

2. For the record and not because I OWE anyone an explanation...My trip to Haiti was NOT and I repeat, NOT paid for from our adoption fund!!!!

3. Giving- Is a topic of debate all over the world. So I will share my thoughts on it.

Everyday at some point we all see a homeless person on the side of the road holding up a sign asking for money, or will work for money, they are hungry... basically they are asking for money/help.
What do we do? Or more importantly, what should we do as Christians?
There are stories in the news all the time about people who do this and go home at night to their own homes, or college students who do this to pay for school, or homeless people who use it to buy alcohol or drugs.
So what to do?
God made it very clear to me one night when I asked him. Simply...we are to obey him. If God calls us to give are we going to choose to give? He will bless us because we obeyed his call and gave to someone in need or we thought was in need,whether or not that person really was in need. And God said that it was his place to bless the other person or curse them if they were dishonest with the gifts of others. But regardless of what they did with what I gave, I would be blessed for giving.
And since that night I have never worried about what happens once I give something away. It is God's place to judge them, not me.

And Todd and I have given more away since starting this adoption process than the previous years we were married, BECAUSE our faith has grown in seeing how God has supplied our needs.

So in turn, I take it very seriously when others have blessed us with gifts toward our adoption. Because I know that God is watching me and sees everything and that I will one day be judged for my choices or lack there of.

4. I have always been honest and upfront about our financial past. Probably sharing way to much at times. We did not make the best choices for sure. But in the past 15 years of marriage we have also learned from our mistakes and made better choices.
Because I knew some would worry because they knew our past, I put into place an accountability person over our financial side of our adoption. She held the checkbook for the first 2 years of our process. After 2 years we sat down and talked it over and agreed Todd and I were capable of managing it. She also agreed to stay on as a consultant to our decisions on handling the gifts we were given.

But never in a million years did I ever think we would be accused of "fleecing others" for our own gain!!!!!!

5. Last but not least because I feel like I have been backed into a corner here is a bit of info...that I am CHOOSING to share, not that you are automatically entitled to!

Jonas's adoption process is completely paid for. His plane ticket home was generously paid for thru other people's giving in our $1 adoption fundraiser.

Ellie's process is over half way paid for. We do not owe the last part for sometime, though we have made arrangements to pay it off after this fall's picture in the park fundraiser. Her plane ticket home will come from this spring's installment of Pictures in the Park.

6. Our fundraising has been made up of different things. Only two things have been flat out asking for money. In the beginning we asked people if they would be willing to fill a jar with their loose change and donate it to our adoption. I didn't beg, I asked. People could take it or leave it.

The other was our $1 adoption donation. We started it when others asked us how they could help and when we thought Jonas would be home before our fall pictures in the park fundraiser. I have since taken it down, because I know the rest of our expenses will be supplied thru our Picture in The Park fundraisers. That is why we state the adoptions are paid for. We are speaking what we see God doing. We are not trying to be deceptive. We are simply choosing to speak the positive.

For the record- Even though we call "Pictures In the Park" a fundraiser, technically it is not. A true fundraiser is where people give getting nothing in return. Our "Pictures In The Park" fundraiser is where people get professional pictures on a CD for a very cheap price, with the rights to the pictures. I do not know of any other photographer willing to do this.
When we do this fundraiser we are at the park from 9am- 5/6pm all weekend long. Todd is working his butt off taking pictures all day long and at times has had to soak in the tub to relax his arm. We have sat in almost 100 degree weather to freezing weather with 3 layers of clothes on all day. It is a long and hard 2 days for us. So we are working for the money we get! AND the customers get some really darn good pictures in return. FYI- almost all of our adoption expenses have been paid for with this fundraiser!

And we have made it perfectly clear to all those who participate that after our adoption expenses are paid we will continue to do "Pictures In The Park" as a fundraiser for the orphanages in Haiti, and other charities we choose to support.

I believe someone said they couldn't believe the audacity of the adoption community in asking others for help to pay for their adoption, people who were pregnant don't fund raise for their birth expense.
Well one, most people have insurance to pay for a birth.
Two, I think it takes more audacity for someone not to give up 1/4 of a cup of coffee, or one coke, or one candy bar ($1) to change the life of another human being!!!!

I wish my husband and I had the income to just wright a check for our adoption expense. We don't. But please do NOT confuse that with the ability to care for our adopted children once they are here!!!!!

I know many Christians feel like you should save up the money before you start the adoption process. But you know what, we are talking about saving lives, not buying a car! And I am pretty sure when God called Noah to build the arc Noah didn't have a stock pile of wood in his back yard! Nor did God go around telling all his friends and neighbors, " Now listen, I have called Noah to build a big boat, so don't go giving him a hard time about it!"

There are times God calls his people to do things that to the outside world, seems crazy. He also calls us Christians to do things that we are not prepared for financially, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise. BECAUSE he wants to grow our faith and show his faithfulness to us by supplying ALL our needs!
My faith has grown in so many ways through this adoption process! And I KNOW it couldn't have any other way. I have seen God supply in miraculous ways, not just for our process but others as well. It has taken me from a place of saying, " I know God can do it, but will he do it for me?" to " Wow, God you will do it for me! Thank you!"

7. Why did you go to Haiti?

Again, NOT that I owe anyone an explanation, but I am choosing to share a few more details with God's permission.

I have always wanted to go to Haiti with Todd. One to experience it together, but mainly so our children in Haiti could experience the presence and love, in person, of a father AND mother at the same time. Something in their short life they have NEVER known!

Two weeks before the trip out of curiosity I checked the flights. I couldn't believe they were still cheap. I showed Todd and he very quickly told me we didn't have it in our budget for me to go. He saw the sadness in my eyes and said, pray and ask God to provide.
That night I went to bed early and cried out to God and shed many tears. My heart was aching. I had not seen my children in a year and six months!!!!! I know some of you can not understand the pain since they are not born of my flesh. But to me it feels the same. These Haitian children are born of my heart and spirit. God from the day we said "yes" to his call, formed a bond the same as if they were born of my body. It is the coolest thing to experience, and one that still makes me shake my head in awe. So can you imagine just for a brief second how you would feel if one of your children was separated from you for over a year and a half? And they were only 3 and 4 years old? I assure it brings forth a really ugly cry!
I was grieving over the lack of physical contact with my children. I prayed and asked God to please make a way where there seemed to be no way.
Over the next week I repeatedly placed a plane ticket on hold, in faith that God would answer my prayers.
One week and one day before the trip we were given a generous gift for the express reason for me to go on the trip. My God had answered my plea! But we went one step further. We asked God to confirm this blessing with working out the many details for me to go. Within 12 hours we had ALL the details worked out, including a sub for me at work which NEVER happens at this particular school! God took care of everything and gave us his blessing for me to go. That is the only explanation I should have to give.

So imagine my surprise when I saw such not so nice things being said on my blog about me going. Which leads to this post, that in my opinion should never have to be done.
now I know even this information won't make some of you happy. To this I say, thank you for your support up until now, but feel free to move on. And to those who told me to not reply to the accusations, I hope you will understand I had to work this out the best way for me.

I will NOT repeat this kind of post again. And I will NOT repeat the following statement again!

Todd and I were called to adopt these beautiful children from Haiti by God. God and only God is who we are relying on to supply for all the adoption expenses. And I am NOT about to argue with the creator of the universe and the creator of me, on how he chooses to supply it! (through other people, our income, fundraisers, etc)
Todd and I seek God's face on a daily basis for guidance on the choices we make.
I answer only to God, and chose on the day I got married to answer to my husband as well. I do NOT answer to you. And though it may appear I do with this post, I feel I am extending grace to you with my explanation today for the sake of peace in my head, heart, and spirit.

Hugs, Kristina